A summary of characters you will find in every Expat group online

One thing that I have become well acquainted with over the years of living abroad are these Expat groups on Facebook. They also operate on other platforms are well. The primary purpose of them is for foreigners, expats, immigrants and anyone else to share information and ask questions. Sometimes these groups can be quite helpful, other times, they can be quite terrible. I can’t help but notice that most of these groups have some of the same reoccurring characters. I hate stereotypes, but some of these people make it too easy. I try not to spend as much time in them, because I am out doing more important things than getting in a pissing contest with Agata, Susan, or Stuart about random misgivings about Ljubjana. However, due to lockdown, it can not always be avoided. Anyways, here is a list of a few characters that come up in every single expat group that I’ve been in.

Ms/Mr. I don’t know how to use google: This person asks the most basic questions. ” Where is the post office?” ” Where can I find maple syrup? ” How do I get to Budapest from Prague?” They often can double up as the rose coloured glasses newbie. They are usually the least harmless in the group, and sometimes they will ask useful questions about maybe ” What is the best Thai Restaurant in Frankfurt?” and it will get insightful feedback about all the Thai restaurants in town. Sometimes good new places open and you learn about them through this person by accident. They sometimes trigger the bullying local or the flame thrower.

The flame thrower: This person is always stirring the pot and turning threads into 300 comment pissing contests. This person can be from anywhere. They always have something negative to say. It’s sort of weird why they moved in the first place. They could be bored. Sometimes they are very socially conscious but aggressive about it. They might post things such as “Why are Czechs so racist?” or ” Why does the metro smell like shit”. They can post meaningful issues that raise a good point, but they are more often than not simply mean spirited and inflammatory. They are often banned or muted pretty quick from the group, but there are so many of them. They are like flies.

The contrarian: This person knows best. This is the 5th expat group they are in. In fact, they don’t like the term expat. Whatever point the flame thrower or ass kisser makes, it is probably wrong. They are better researched than anyone in this group, but they can be a bit of a self-serving ass. They are a bit like the flame thrower but more tactful and experienced. This is not the first time they have lived abroad; they will probably tell you that more than once. They will probably also tell you that another country does something way better. They love correcting people. They can make their arguments look a bit too much like a PhD thesis abstract. If you ask a question about where to find something, they will tell you what you are looking for is shit and you should use something else. Despite being a bit much, they can be useful. They love to get into it with the local bully and put them in their place.

The ass kisser: This person might be married to the local bully. They defend whatever crappy policies their host country adopts, no matter how xenophobic and stupid it is. They are often US American or British, but it is not always the case. It is usually a country, though, where people are grateful to leave. They think because their own countries can be so bad, anything any other country does is justified. They are often married to a local who helps them navigate the language and red tape, so they can’t empathize with other people’s issues. They might have a cushy job for an international company. They might have somehow been able to acquire citizenship from a parent or grandparent and feel a bit entitled over anyone else.

The happy “lifer”: This person is basically a local. They moved quite here a while ago. They probably have citizenship by now. They might have a nice setup here. They can be an ass kisser, but not always. They might know the challenges of the country. They can be understanding and empathetic. They can be good at giving information. They can be a bit tone-deaf because the bureaucratic issues might be completely different from 1995. They might say something like, ” I’ve been here for 25 years and have never encountered racism.” while being Northern European.

The rose coloured glasses newbie: This person is new but already has lots of things to say about how wonderful this new place is. They are a prototype of the asskisser, although they might end up as a contrarian once they have spent a little more time there. They are one of the less irritating ones. They are kind of adorable and are usually quite positive. They are easily the happiest ones in the group. They might be Erasmus students, recently married to a local, or fresh new English teachers. Whatever they are doing, they are enjoying it.

The disgruntled lifer: This person has also been around for a couple of decades or more. They moved at a time when it was inexpensive, and times were great. They were young and attractive. They had big plans. Now they are still here for reasons out of their control; often, it is kids, they might have a wife that wants to stay, whatever it is, they have some reason keeping them. They are usually not thrilled to be there. Their contributions to the pages, though, can be helpful. Although sometimes it can be outdated. Also, whatever you want to do, it was not as fun as it was in 1995. They take breaks from the internet to drink away their life savings in their local pub when there is no lockdown.

The sex tourist/wife shopper: This guy moves to a new country because he pretty much sucked in his home country. He claims the women back home have been spoiled with feminism or are too fat. He’s here to prey upon some poor, vulnerable woman. Sometimes, he warns people in the group about dating apps and how his tinder date tricked them. He usually comes with several divorces and has nothing really going for him. Allegedly, there is a female equivalent in some other countries.

The local bully: This person confuses me the most. If I ever moved back to my birth country, the last thing I would do is harass foreigners . That is so Trump supporter-like. If I went to find a ” Slovenians in the USA” group and decided to write in Slovene and tell them all to get over it, I lived in Slovenia and it sucked. I would be kicked out immediately. These locals exist in these groups to tell people to ” get over their problems”. They love to boast about how their country has the best quality of life in the world. HINT: It doesn’t. If you ever encountered any issues with their landlord, racism, bureaucracy, it is probably your own fault. All foreigners need to thank their lucky stars and integrate immediately. ” If you don’t like it, you can leave.”. Like the asskisser, they are happy to use “whataboutisms’ to justify any xenophobic piece of legislation their government passes. Your country has definitely done something worse for sure. They should take their own advice and leave the group.

The helpful local; This one might be my favourite. This person might work as a tour guide and be in the group to promote their tours or run a foreign-friendly business. He or she could be married or have a crush on someone in the group; maybe they lived abroad themselves, they like to lend a hand. They often translate information for the rest. They give useful information. I usually imagine it to be a rather nerdy fellow, but it does not have to be. That’s just what I envision. I know a couple of lovely ladies in Prague that fit this role as well. Anyway, this person is a great and encouraging figure to have in every single ex-pat group.

I admit that this list is a bit Euro-centric. I have spent the most time in Europe though I have flirted with Latin America, I lurk in some Colombian, Guatemalan and other expat groups. My observations are mainly within Prague, The Hague, Berlin, Frankfurt, Ljubljana, Sarajevo, Lyon and Tbilisi expat/foreigners groups. However, I imagine there are some similar overlaps. This is to be taken with a grain of salt also. It is not like I am writing a definitive guide..yet.

I am also not touching on the expat/foreigner/immigrant debate. I don’t much care for the term expat, but most of these groups are titled “Expats in XYZ”.

What about where you live? Can you tell me about any commonly reoccurring characters in your local Facebook groups and other forums?